I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
