I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
