You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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