that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
