The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
