my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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