i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
