My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
