Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
