the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
