He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
