He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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