We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
