good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
