I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
