I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
