After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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