Fine. I'll sleep in my office
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
