dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You have to summon your inner elephant
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
