I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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