O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
