Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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