I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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