I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
