I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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