I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My vagina just clenched in fear
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
