you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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