By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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