Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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