I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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