I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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