You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
