I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
