I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
