I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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