I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
