Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
