Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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