You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
