god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
