we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
