My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
