My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
