im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
