I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
