You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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