Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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