I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Randomize
