you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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