Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
