I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
