I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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