Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
