i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
