You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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